This one will be nice and short folks. I declared last night on Twitter that I would not even bother doing a post VMA's wrap up because the whole night was kind of like your university convocation. You're there only to hear your name called then you just wanna go home and grub with your family. Kanye West's performance was like hearing your name everything that came before was BORING!! I mean the live tweeting wasn't even that fun or funny this year... Lots of WHISKY TANGO FOXTROT MOMENTS mixed in with some CRICKETS made for a very uneventful VMAs.
The Good
1) Kanye West vs Taylor Swift: Now unless you've been living under a rock the past year, hell the past 2 weeks you would've known that Yeezy bombarded the stage last year and Kanye'd poor, little, virginal and innocent Taylor Swift. Took the mic and did >>>>
Anyway a couple weekends back Kanye once again got on his Twitter account (@kanyewest) and started pouring out his heart and soul in a Taylor Swift - Innocent An ode to Victimhood with lyrics like ""Thirty-two and still growing up now; who you are is not what you did," she sang softly, adding: "You're still an innocent."... Ok Taylor
Kanye - Runaway "I always find something wrong; you've been putting up with my (expletive) for too long," LETS TOAST TO THE DOUCHE BAGS!!!
And there you have it the most hyped up performances of the night kinda lived up, kinda didn't that was the awards in general doe!!
2) Drake featuring Swizz Beats and Mary J. Blige - Fancy (This was one that had me rocking in my seat, say what yall want about Drake but his stage performances are slowly getting better, now if he could find something productive for that hand to do..)
3) Nicki's Ass! That's all I got for ya Nicki ya performance started off OK then just got bizarre, errr yeah good job on the lil two step doe!! YA ASS (fake or not) was on it! As I said on FB last night, ladies us guys we gives not a FLYING FUDGE if Nicki's ass is real or not. If you can rock fake weave, tits, eyes, eyelashes, and teeth I'm sure we will have an easy time accepting your fake booty too... Props to Nicki's mama or surgeon...or both!
The Bad
1) Nicki Minaj and Will.I.Coon's - I am sure Martin, Rosa and Sojourner Truth rolled so hard in their graves that their respective cemeteries experienced a collective earthquake. I'm sorry but Rosa didn't sit in the front of that bus to rest her dogs and corns for this nukka to roll out in blackface.. SMFH. Nicki ma I'm rooting for you but yeah you could've came with something harder for the VMAs for real. Did I mention your ass looked good doe??
2) Lady Gaga, her wardrobe and her antics- As I stated before I'M OVER GAGA!! Kudos on being a voice for the gays in the military, that was a very upstanding and liberal thing but yeah that meat dress and whatever else bullshit you did. Slow down mami.
(QQs at Cher's ole 89 year old ass still trying to revive these stupid get ups from the 80's, yo Cher I'mma let you finish but Tina Turner is the baddest G.I.L.F of all time...ALL TIME -drops mic)
3) Ke$ha - Yo Ke$ha I'm a let you finish but Missy Elliott wore the best (albeit the biggest) trash bag of all time...ALL TIME! Doesn't Ke$ha look contagious yo like you wanna shake hands with gloves on? Take a bath lady.
The Yawn
1) Chelsea Handler - She sucked, Aziz Ansari sucked can we get Mo'Nique, The Wayans, Kevin Hart, Steve Harvey, Rickey Smiley hell I'll take Tom Green but please just do a better job of searching for hosts MTV. Chelsea was dry, borderline offensive because her jokes failed to resonate and yeah BOO!!
2) The Show - When I'm paying attention to my Fantasy Football League scores and geeked to see True Blood because my True Blood Fang Banger heads were live tweeting I know yall have failed MTV. I mean damn the BET Awards were better and I know yall give them the food stamps version of the budget for their show. DO BETTER VIACOM!!
3) Justin Bieber - Try and get your performance game up before attempting to 'lip sync' you let Britney and Ashley Simpson beat you man. Good look on that voice finally cracking though, you're a man after all I guess. The Biebsbians will be upset that they have lost one more opportunity to clone themselves to be and look just like you!!
4) Eminem featuring Rihanna - Eminem was the nights second big winner after Lady Gaga and yeah this performance was yawn worthy. I still don't believe Em's fully stabilized and I'd be scared to get dude angry. Marshall is one angry white dude. I know I'm not the only one who can't wait till Rihanna gives Raggedy Ann her hair back. WOOT!
Shout out to Necole Bitchie for the pics!!
As you can see very uneventful, watching Sarah Palin speak is usually more amusing and entertaining... Until next year!! I think its safe to say if Bey and Hov aren't performing or in attendance your show will probably suck monkey nuts...
LV
