Sunday, April 25, 2010

This debate has been raging for years now!  Pick up any edition of Essence, Ebony, Jet, a Terry McMillan book, Steve Harvey's how-to book, and you will walk away wondering why it is that black women are still single.  The fact that this is even a question that has been gaining momentum the past few years in terms of reality shows (What Chilli Wants, Lets Talk About Pep etc..etc.) and culminating in a Dateline Special featuring a debate between Sherri Shepherd, Steve Harvey, Hill Harper, Jacqui Reed and others demands a question or 12.






So why is it that black women are statistically less likely to get married? -insert Jeopardy music- I have no clue to be honest.  I mean I know some smart, beautiful, intelligent black females with their shit together who would make awesome life partners and soul-mates.  Why is it that these women are struggling to find a decent Heathcliff Huxtable?  I think it is a combination of women having higher expectations for their man as Chili stated so clearly she wants a man who eats no pork, is close to God, does not smoke, has a BIG DICK, sensitive, gotta be old enough, caring, can't smoke and it goes on.  Now, we all have a list (what's your list?) but does Chili's list seem unattainable?  In 2010, I would say yes, usually I would say no but her list is perpetuating this quest for  the PERFECT MAN -insert Perfect Man music-.

WHERE'S THE PERFECT MAN HIDING???

I think that in our quest for our soul-mate it is cool to have a reasonable list of characteristics we would appreciate in a significant other.  It is also a give and take, you cannot expect to have the PERFECT MAN, when you are not the PERFECT WOMAN.  You have to realize that life is all about working with people and helping them to realize their potential.  If a man has 80% of what you really want consider yourself lucky.  I do not think its going to change anything if you sit there with a list longer than the Beatitudes and expect PRINCE CHARMING to gallop in on a Clydesdale.  The fact that most black women prefer and will only date a black man further compounds the situation.  Black women are loyal to the brothas but in many cases the brothas are not as loyal back....-coughs, looks around...- Anyway you guys probably, saw that movie 'Something New' right?  Sanaa Lathan had 'THE LIST' but found that when she let go of a chunk of that list she found a man who fulfilled a major part of her list...he just happened to be white! Go Figure! I think in this modern day and age we need to be flexible, realistic, open and honest.   If you still want to hold out for that eligible black man that's never been to prison, no kids, never been married, has a good job with a big corner office and benefits, not in the closet, loves children, loves God, hits the G-spot...GOOOOOOOOOD LUCK!

What I did not appreciate is the BLAME GAME -insert Blame Game music- I think we need to have more of these discussions. Its not ok to blame one another, lets understand why we are missing the big picture.  Why are we falling by the wayside in terms of the connections we are making. There are single brothas out there looking for a single sister.  She just needs to realize every brotha won't be Barack Obama and brothas need to step their game up! Watch the interview and tell me your thoughts!

There are good people out there, not perfect people!




LV

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